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Natalia
30 March 2009 @ 08:17 am
It's confirmed...


he loves her.

nothing else to do.



fuck them all.
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Natalia
You know what happened last friday 13th?

He gave me a call, and said he didn't want to have anything more than a friendship with me.
Ok, heartbroken.. what else?

Yesterday, we went to a park, where there would be many university groups, drinking, eating and having fun.
Ok, it started like that... but ended in a painful way.

There was this whore... who's a friend of one of my friends.
Suddenly, someone offered her 3 bucks (1500 pesos) for making out with one of the guys that were in the park.
She did it...
After that, they offered her money for making out with my friend ( girl on girl action).. and she did it.
what a whore...!!

But then, i saw him.. on top of her.. lying on the ground.. making out.
IT BROKE MY HEART A MILLION TIMES MORE!!!
WHY?

THAT WAS LOW!!

Before january 22th... he was 100% virgin! the lip virgin boy!
WHAT THE HELL!!?

Also, it made me feel like the "relationship" (if you can call it that way) we had... meant nothing for him.
Would he kiss me again if i paid him for doing that?

he let me down...
and that whore... will die. :)




Hey, you'll never find someone like me.
 
 
Natalia
10 March 2009 @ 10:56 pm
Yes, i miss the times when his smile was...
































only for me
Tags:
 
 
Natalia
First post since i got back to uni yesterday.

I'm almost healed from my flu...
But i can't say the same about my heart.

My day was pretty ok... the classes a little bit boring but i'm ok about that.

He was so fucking distant... and i know it's because i said some things that could be misunderstood.
I felt sad... but i couldn't cry until i got home.
Today we're gonna talk about that.
I hope everything will end up in a good way... cuz i'm not a bad person, and my feelings towards him are true and sincere.

I was hurt by him... yes. But that's none of his business... he didn't know and i wasn't wise enough to let go when it was the time.
Until 2 years ago, when someone tried to hurt me... i would have sought for vengeance.
I won't lie to you, this time i tried to. It's too much for me though.

I love him. And even though my pride demands my vengeance and his destruction... i only want to see him happy.
I want him to find a girl who will love him as much as i do now and will make him happy no matter what.

As the title says... i'm not a bad person anymore.
I was, for 18 years of my life, but i changed... for eveyone who cares about me.
I let him know the good side of myself... and i won't take it away.


fuck my heart.
i hate it.
 
 
Natalia
07 March 2009 @ 02:39 pm
OMG
I'm so bored.
I got the flu and i feel like dying.

My throat hurts, and so do my head and nose.

I'm having so much fun! *sarcasm off*

nah, really.. the last weekend before i get back to uni... spent in bed, sick.
T_T

This was a weird summer.
Before i only had good summers and bad summers.
But this had a lil quota of bad things and a lil of good.
And, i don't remember a summer where i've cried more than this.
weird weird.

oh and, dad left us.
that's a good thing.


:D
 
 
 
Natalia
27 February 2009 @ 07:10 pm
tonight.. i will be stronger than a month ago.
and the past weeks.

:)
 
 
Natalia
06 February 2009 @ 07:39 am
I'm crying my heart out...

How is it my mood is going down more and more everyday?

When you think you're starting to be happy again, a bigger bomb falls over your heart's rubble... now i knpw, it happens everytime.

Yes, i've been sad, since i've got back from my vacation... my heart is broken.
As always, the guy i like, is not interested a little in me. He gave me wings... yeah, then after a few days, he blowed them away, hurting my heart... and my pride.. overall.

Yesterday, i thought everything was going to be alright, i just cried in the morning, a little bit, because the memory of his childish smile makes me sad... and his tickles... and becaus i was reading our chat logs, one of the many things that confirm what happened was real and not a crazy fantasy i have in my mind.
After that, my day was ok. My day was pretty, shiny.

I talked to beautiful people, who gave me a happiness boost. I laughed sincerely after days of despair...
My heart was healing.

But 2 hours ago... the bigger bomb exploded, breaking my heart in pieces again.
Everyone knows mom and dad haven't been in good terms for months, they're going to divorce.
That has never affected me at all... i'm pro divorce if the things at home are being unsustainable.
I'm even looking for a new place for me and mom, we were supposed to move out this month... but i went to the beach and had to postpone our plans.

And also, everyone knows... i can't stand my father like... usually.
We're always fighting...

Mom told me, she wouldn't go back with mi dad ever... even if someone pays the biggest amount of money for her to come back together. Because she had a strong reason and couldn't tell anybody.

I've been trying to persuade her to tell me what the reason is, with no success at all.

Then, today... they got up for going to work.
And dad asked mom for money because he hadn't got any.. for the bus and metro taxes.
Mom refused... and they started fighting.

She got really angry, and started insulting my dad... then the truth came out. The thing mom has been hiding for like 3 weeks...
I can't tell you... but it's unforgivable... and it's not even infidelity... ._.

What am i supposed to do? HE DID SOMETHING TERRIBLE.
TERRIBLE!!
YOUR DAD IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR ROLE MODEL!!! AND WE'VE LIVED BLIND... FOR 20 YEARS.
We aren't that close... yeah... but i love him... he's my dad.... and he hadn't the right to do what he did. No one does.

I waited until mom and dad walked out of the house... grabbed my laptop and locked myself up at dad's bedroom. I've been crying all this time. Wondering... would these news affect me a lil bit less... if i had... HIM... right by my side? would it feel better if i could cry my heart out like i'm doing right now on his shoulder?

And it hurts more, if i try to imagine what my dad did plus the baby smile of him...
I can't help it.

I'm BEING EMO! SO WHAT.
i have the right too.


don't like? then.. delete.



And, I've had a happy life after all... mom almost died... 9 years ago.... and i've been happy!
why do i feel so miserable right now?

I'm.. supposed to be happy.

And yes, my phone line has been suspended because dad didn't pay... so i have to write all this... just because i can't call my best friend or anyone and tell them what's happening...
 
 
Natalia
05 February 2009 @ 02:42 am
how could i be so stupid?


vengeance is my ally now.


he will pay.
 
 
Natalia
04 February 2009 @ 06:12 am
SO!!!

I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME AT THE BEACH!
Everyday was wonderful. Just because of one crazy thing that happened there.
I made out with one of my friends... and that kept me happy for a week and a half.
He's so gentle and pure.
Everything was just wonderful... after we got back to the beach we (2 friends and i) even travelled to his hometown for the weekend...
I repeat... everything was just wonderful... until sunday morning.
He said he had an inexplicable confusion...
On saturday he went to bed feeling something for me and woke up confused on sunday... he didn't pay attention to me in the whole day, and i didn't even know why... he would pay attention to everyone and everything but me.
I felt sad. Because we both thought this was going to work, we even thought about what was goin' to happen when he was back from his one month vacation... everything was going to be beautiful... he said he would be so happy to see me back at uni. He would kiss me in front of everyone who didn't know about us. We would be together.
But now he said he has to think about it... and he didn't even say that to me... jenny told me.
I feel heartbroken...
i've been feeling empty for 3 days.
and he even talks to jenny (one of the friends who travelled with me) but he won't call or text.
he didn't even text me saying: "hey, we arrived... i'm ok", i had to ask jenny about that.

Hope this feeling would disappear before we go back to uni, so that i can look him in the eyes and continue being friends, just because he's a beautiful person and i don't want to lose all we had built in a year for what happened in one week.

After all, i was just attracted to him until this happened... because he wasn't the crush i talked to you about all the past year... now i like him very much... and i can't hate him because he isn't guilty like my ex-crush (i hate him now... because i talked a lot to Consuelo at the beach and he's just a mask... but the real him is like shit).

That's all.
My heart has to go on.
 
 
Natalia
20 January 2009 @ 07:26 am







So, dad doesn't want me to go to the beach. He said i don't have his permission... but his opinion means less than dog poop to me.
For that reason I'll spend the night at one of my uni's friends' place tonight for going on our trip tomorrow at 10:30 AM.
Wish me luck!

From Today until January 26th,
I'M OFF TO THE BEACH!